i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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