Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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