new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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