This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
