Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
