I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
