I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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