The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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