Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize