He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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