I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
