my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
