GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
