So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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