shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
