If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
