I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
