She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
