I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
