you have to choose: penises or morals?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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