I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
