wanna go halves on a baby?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
