I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
