his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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