ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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