It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
