That's intense
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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