I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
