If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
