You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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