Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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