I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
