I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
