Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
