i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize