You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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