all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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