thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
