we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's blow job season.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
