In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
