All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
