booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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