the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
