Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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