So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
