I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Are we still banned from the library?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
