She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
