just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
