Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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