BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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