how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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