i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
