Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
