i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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