Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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