Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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