oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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