i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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