I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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