Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
