Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
