Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
