the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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