Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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