420 ftw
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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