I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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