just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
