he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
