Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
