I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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