my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
