Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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