Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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