first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
