my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
