girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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