New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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