Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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