I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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